Surrender

I've had an important lesson in the power of surrender this week. So many things in our lives are out of our control. As a recovering perfectionist and chronic ruminator, I've had to learn that worrying about things will not change the outcome.

I've had some frustrating situations this week that were keeping me up at night. My car is still not repaired. After some car trouble during a camping trip last week I had to leave it at a shop in a town three hours away from my house. It took several days for the technician to have time to do a thorough evaluation and the results weren't good - the transmission needed replaced. I was shocked since the car is a 2019 with less than 75,000 miles on it. I did have an extended warranty but there were some questions about exactly what would be covered since the warranty was purchased at a different dealership. I quit my job three months ago to start a business so big expenses like this are a huge financial strain.

As well, I was trying to get a prescription filled for my dog and the order was faxed twice to my vet but they didn't receive it. I dropped the ball and didn't order the meds before my camping trip so I was worried that my dog wouldn't get the meds in time for them to be effective.

I woke up in the night and early Thursday morning completely stressed and feeling like neither of these issues were going to get resolved. I was also concerned that the delays of the car repair and the finding of the needed transmission replacement were due to the dealership taking advantage of me since I'm not knowledgeable about car repairs. My nervous system went into complete sympathetic response otherwise known as fight-or-flight. I had racing thoughts, my heart rate was elevated and my chest was tight. I told myself that at five in the morning, there is nothing I can do about any of it and tried to go back to sleep but that didn't work. First, I said what is really going here? Is this about the car or is this about something else in my past? I realized that I felt neglected and not heard. This was a common feeling growing up. I was neglected by my mom and often sent the message that my feelings weren't valid and didn't matter. I had to parent my inner child and tell her that her feelings were very valid. I realized that I needed to take some form of action to get the stress response down. I wrote down a couple of quick notes of what I might say to the service manager. I also decided I would call the other dealership myself to determine where the true delay was if I didn't get the answers I needed from the repair shop. I decided to surrender the results and just focus on action when the businesses were open in a few hours.

Later that morning, I decided to tackle the smaller problem first. During a phone call, it was discovered that my dog's prescription was being faxed to the wrong vet. The records were updated and the prescription is now on its way.

I decided to call the service rep one more time for an update and would ask for the manager if I wasn't happy with the conversation. Service confirmed that the vehicle had been thoroughly inspected and the transmission definitely needed replaced as well as a motor mount. I questioned why the transmission failed so early but they had no clue. That was the bad news. The good news was that the extended warranty was going to cover 100% of the parts and labor and the parts were on order. The repair should be completed by early next week. I finally had a timeline of completion and the extremely good news that I wasn't responsible for a bill that would total thousands of dollars. The relief was so immense I almost started crying.

After it was all said and done, I realized that my stress had no effect on the outcome. I was so worried about something that turned out to work out perfectly. While this won't always be the case, I still have to remember that surrendering is the only option in times when there is no control. It did help to have a plan of action because surrender does not mean do nothing. It means do what you can and release the attachment to the result.