It's okay to feel lonely but it's harmful when we act lonely. What I mean by this is that we look to others to fill the void of loneliness instead of filling it ourselves. I'll admit... I feel lonely. I went from having someone live with me to being completely ghosted. When I get home from work at night, there is only my dog to talk to. I do attend a weekly support group and chat with co-workers, but I'm still not getting enough quality time having meaningful conversations.
Last week I was introduced to someone by a friend. She swears that he's trustworthy and has integrity with women, but I am having doubts. Granted, my radar is really high and I don't want to be discounted or cheated on again. Maybe this guy really does like me but is scared so that's why he hasn't asked me to dance or talks to other women. I do have a lot of acquaintances, male and female, so my social butterfly tendencies are to say hi and hug a lot of folks. They are only friends and there is no romantic interest or intent. I want to believe that he is also just being social or is nervous, but what if I'm wrong? What if this is a red flag? What if the real reason he stares at me while dancing with another woman is that he has a roving eye? In spite of my friend's belief that he is trustworthy, I have to believe that myself.
I do enjoy talking to him and he is quite attractive. He is a little older than me than I regularly prefer, but if he is a good man, I could overlook that since he's in great shape for someone his age. He has the same political views as me which is a huge plus. He enjoys motorcycles. My fear is that he is acting on his loneliness. He recently got divorced and may want to be with someone to fill that void instead of being with someone because he really likes them. I need to find out what his intentions are to the best of my ability. As long as I have doubts, I will not be able to overlook the doubt.
The dating world in mid-life is difficult and stressful. Your first thought is why are you single? What's wrong with you? But, I'm going to be 55 this month and single too at this stage of my life. It's because I haven't found the person that I can spend the rest of my life with. I have no trouble attracting men - unfortunately my blue eyes and large breasts attract them like a magnet. The problem I am having is attracting the right kind of man. Physical attraction is important but it shouldn't be the only reason we want to be with someone. I want a man to see who I am on the inside, not just the outside. I have been with men that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with but as the relationship progressed, I realized I wouldn't be happy long term with this person. I want to be married, but I don't want to get divorced again. I want to find a man who is looking for a long-term commitment not an option.
I'll continue to observe him and may have to directly confront him with my concerns. I'll gauge how he answers on whether or not I continue to be interested in him or not. I don't want to get in another situation where I am with someone who is not my equal. No matter how lonely I get, I will not let that drive my decisions. I will make decisions based on what is good for my mental health in the present and long term. Being alone and lonely is far better than pretending not to be lonely.
I hope that things do work out - maybe he will be good for me. I hope that he does ask for my phone number and we go out and that decision leads to the healthy relationship I have been craving my whole life. In the meantime, I need to keep my guard up. I must not let my attraction get in the way of my common sense like it has in the past.
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