Where do I begin? Do I start with my abusive childhood, my abusive marriage or the lessons I've learned from my last relationship? How many other strong women are out there who are like me? How many of us have been labeled as too much or too intense, a bitch for setting boundaries or controlling for enforcing our boundaries? The world admires and values assertive men but why not women? Why are we not seen as equals in our daily lives and relationships? How many of us spend a lot of time alone because society and the men in our lives don't value our tenacity, strength and no nonsense attitude?
It took me a long time to realize that I was a high value woman who had been limiting myself with low value men. I was in a comfort zone of accepting less than I deserved but in 2012 I had a pivotal moment in my life that forever changed it's direction. The property I lived on was involved in a wildfire. The flames surrounded my house and blocked my view which gave the illusion that the house was burning to the ground. After I found out that my house was still standing, I realized that none of my possessions meant a thing to me - only my cat's and spouse's safety mattered. My first realization from that experience was that I was an angry person who had prioritized the wrong things in life. I was more concerned with status and having things than I was about building healthy and productive relationships.
The following year, I went through a divorce that crushed me. During my mental breakdown that summer, everything about me was smashed to smithereens. It was a necessary and painful experience because it forced me to fully evaluate my life. In the moment I decided not to give in and take my life, my only thought was I don't know how to fix this and live differently but if I decide to remain on this earth, I have to find a way. Over the years, my trust in the Universe has brought important people into my life just when I needed them. The how showed up in the form of a spiritual counselor who got me to see I had spent 10 years with an abusive man. That was 10 years ago and my journey continues to this day.
I have many stories to share with you as we get to know each other better. The one thing I know is that as women, we matter. If someone in our life or society as a whole does not see our worth, that has nothing to do with us. We must first know our worth within ourselves before we can expect others to see it. I now demand it in all of my interactions. Yes, I have been accused of being too much and too intense, but that is part of the package deal which also includes my intense loyalty and generosity. You can't have one without the other. I now know that I am worth every boundary and request that I put forth. Those who don't see my value don't have the right to be in my life. I love the saying of why hang out with the turkeys when you can soar with the eagles. I choose to surround myself with eagles who support me just as I am, but also encourage personal growth and development.
I believe in vulnerability and authenticity so this blog will not be a feel-good Pollyanna type of site. This is about being real and sharing both my victories and setbacks. Both play an important role in my growth. I hope my stories give you validation and clarity just as I have received the same from other sources over the years. I invite you to join me. I know you're out there -- I'm not the only one on the journey of being a high value woman.
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