Breaking the Silence: Understanding Domestic Violence Beyond Physical Abuse

When most people hear the words "domestic violence," they imagine bruises, broken bones, and black eyes. But what about the bruises you can’t see?

The truth is, domestic violence is not just physical. It often shows up as emotional manipulation, gaslighting, financial control, sexual coercion, and mental abuse — all tactics that can leave deep scars without a single mark on the skin.

I know, because I've lived it.

In my own experience, it wasn’t fists that hurt me most — it was the constant erosion of my reality. It was being made to feel that everything was my fault. An argument would break out, and objects would be smashed in anger. But instead of taking responsibility, my partner would turn it back on me: "If you hadn’t made me mad, I wouldn’t have done it."

Here’s what I need you to know: No matter what you say, do, or how upset someone claims you made them, you are never responsible for their abusive behavior. Abuse is always a choice — and they are accountable for their actions.

The Cycle of Abuse

Many abusers follow a predictable pattern:

• They hurt you — emotionally, verbally, physically, financially.

• They apologize — bringing gifts, promising change, acting sweet and remorseful.

• They hurt you again — and the cycle repeats, often escalating over time.

Maybe at first, it’s raised voices and slamming doors. Then it becomes pushing, then hitting. Like any behavior unchecked, it grows bolder, more dangerous.

Staying in this cycle can make you feel trapped — especially if you’re being gaslighted or trauma bonded. And if you’ve ever gone back after leaving, know this: You’re not weak. You’re human.

Healing from an abusive relationship is like recovering from surgery. Initially, it hurts worse. But that pain is a sign you are moving toward true healing — and a better future.

The Hidden Damage of Emotional and Mental Abuse

One of the hardest parts about emotional abuse is that it’s invisible. There’s no police report for gaslighting. There’s no X-ray for a broken spirit.

Because there’s no physical evidence, survivors are often met with disbelief, minimization, or dismissal:

• "It wasn’t that bad."

• "At least he didn’t hit you."

• "You’re being dramatic."

But emotional abuse can linger even longer than physical wounds. It chips away at your self-worth, your ability to trust, and your sense of safety.

You have every right to name what you endured. You have every right to heal.

If You Have Children, They Are Watching

Many survivors stay for the sake of their kids. But children learn what they live. If you stay in an abusive home, you are unintentionally teaching your sons that it's acceptable to hurt, and your daughters that it's acceptable to be hurt.

Leaving isn’t just about saving yourself. It’s about modeling strength, self-respect, and boundaries for the next generation.

Moving Forward: Progress, Not Perfection

Leaving abuse is hard. Staying away is hard. You might slip up. You might miss them. You might even go back temporarily.

Give yourself grace. Every step forward — no matter how small — is still progress.

You have the power to break the cycle. You have the right to heal. And you deserve a life full of safety, love, and freedom.

You are not alone. You are not broken. You are powerful.

This marks the launch of Part 1 of my powerful new podcast series, Breaking the Silence: Healing From Domestic Violence. In this opening episode, I share my personal story and dive into what domestic violence truly looks like — beyond the physical scars.

🎧 Listen now

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