Speaking Up Without Guilt & Navigating Triggers

If you’ve been following along, you know we’re in the middle of a powerful 4-part series on Reclaiming Your Voice After Narcissistic Abuse. And today’s topic? It hits deep.

We’re talking about what it means to speak up without guilt—and how to navigate those intense triggers that show up in our bodies when we either speak… or don’t.

Let’s be honest. For so many women, we were taught from an early age to be seen and not heard. Whether those words were spoken outright or just implied through years of conditioning, they left their mark. Add in the emotional manipulation of a narcissistic relationship, and suddenly, using your voice can feel dangerous, even shameful.

But here’s the truth: Your voice is not too much. Your needs are not a burden. And your boundaries are not betrayal.

When Speaking Up Feels Unsafe

I used to think something was wrong with me because my body would react so strongly when I had to confront someone. My throat would tighten. My hands would shake. My whole nervous system would light up—fight, flight, freeze.

That’s not weakness. That’s your body protecting you. And if no one has told you this lately: You’re not crazy.

When I began to understand how the nervous system works, especially after reading books like The Body Keeps the Score, I realized that shaking, freezing, feeling overwhelmed—that was my body saying, “Hey, this doesn’t feel safe.”

But safety and discomfort aren’t always the same thing. And learning to tell the difference is key.

Guilt Is Not Your Guide

Let’s talk about guilt for a moment.

So many of us feel guilty just for having needs. For saying “no.” For asking for space. For not responding immediately. Especially with family. Especially in relationships where we’ve been made to feel like our peace doesn’t matter.

But guilt is not always your intuition. Guilt is often a result of years of programming. And every time you override it with truth, you reclaim a piece of yourself.

What Helps in the Moment?

Here are a few things I’ve learned along the way, and maybe they’ll help you too:

• You don’t have to respond right away. Taking time to calm your nervous system is not avoidance. It’s wisdom. Sleep on it. Walk it off. Breathe through it.

• Simple phrases can be powerful. With narcissists, logic won’t land. Accountability won’t be accepted. Instead, use calm, non-engaging phrases like:

  • “That doesn’t work for me.”

  • “I need space.”

  • “I’m not available for this conversation.”

• Repeat. Stay boring. Stay boundaried.

• Silence is also a response. You don’t owe anyone access to your peace. Walking away is speaking up.

  
  

From Aggression to Assertion

In my own healing journey, I went from aggressive to silent, then eventually found my way to assertiveness. And wow, was that a journey.

Being assertive doesn’t mean yelling. It doesn’t mean pleasing. It means standing in your truth with clarity, calm, and conviction.

And yes, the narcissist may escalate. Yes, it may feel harder before it gets easier. But your voice is a muscle, and the more you use it, the stronger it gets.

Final Thoughts

When you speak up, you might shake. You might tremble. It might not come out perfectly. But it’s still sacred. It still matters.

Let’s stop waiting for permission. Let’s stop shrinking to fit someone else’s comfort. Let’s start trusting that our voice was never the problem—it was always the power.

You have the power. And every time you speak your truth, you rise a little higher.

👉 Want to listen to the full episode? Click here to tune in to Part 3 of the Reclaiming Your Voice After Narcissistic Abuse podcast series🎧