Finding Myself First: Single on Purpose and the Power of Wholeness
- High Value Woman
- Aug 27
- 2 min read
For a long time, my healing journey focused on avoiding the wrong men. Not getting pulled back into cycles of love bombing, narcissistic abuse, or settling for relationships that chipped away at who I was.
But recently, I realized something bigger. This season of my life isn’t really about men at all. It’s about me.
I’m single on purpose—not because something is wrong with me, and not because “no one wants me.” I’m single on purpose because I’m building a life rooted in wholeness, clarity, and choice. If the right person shows up down the road, great. But whether or not they do, my life is not on hold.
Meeting Myself Again
Something shifted when I started going back to open mics and reconnecting with music. On stage, I felt it in every nerve ending—that full-body yes I can’t fake, that unmistakable vibration that says, “This is who I am.”
It wasn’t about impressing anyone or finding a date. As my coach pointed out, I wasn’t going to those bars to meet men. I was going to meet myself.
That hit me hard. Because the truth is, for too long, I abandoned myself in the name of being “nice,” “accommodating,” or “enough” for someone else.
The Layers We Keep Peeling Back
Healing isn’t neat. It’s messy. In the past few weeks, I’ve sat in grief, shed old identities, and even uncovered fresh layers of codependency I thought I’d outgrown.
But that’s the thing—healing doesn’t end. There’s no finish line where we arrive perfectly whole. Each layer we peel back reveals another opportunity to get more honest with ourselves, to choose differently, to strengthen the relationship we have with the one person who never leaves: us.
Boundaries as Self-Love
Part of investing in myself has been learning to say no. To men who don’t meet my standards. To friendships that drain me. To conversations that feel off in my body.
Six months ago, I would have second-guessed myself—told myself I was being too picky, too sensitive, too much. Now, I honor that icky feeling. If it’s a no in my body, it’s a no in my life.
And here’s the truth: the people who can’t respect my standards aren’t my people. Their reaction has nothing to do with me—and everything to do with them.
Single on Purpose—From Power, Not Lack
Being single doesn’t mean being broken. It doesn’t mean something’s missing. It means I’ve stopped outsourcing my wholeness.
I’m building a life I love, brick by brick—whether or not someone joins me in it. That shift alone changes everything: the friendships I attract, the opportunities that land, the energy I carry.
Because when I’m rooted in wholeness, I stop accepting too little.
And that’s the heart of Radical Relationship Recovery: rebuilding from the inside out.
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