From Scarcity to Standards: What Counseling Taught Me About Self-Trust
- High Value Woman
- Aug 18
- 2 min read
I used to think I just had “bad luck” in dating.That I kept attracting the wrong men because they were emotionally unavailable, narcissistic, or just not ready.
But the truth is, I wasn’t ready either.
Not because I wasn’t healed “enough.” Not because I didn’t want real connection. But because I was still operating from a place of scarcity.
Scarcity had me thinking:
“I need to figure out if he’s the right one before he disappears.”
“Maybe I just need to try harder to make it work.”
“If I walk away, what if there’s no one else?”
Scarcity made me over-give. Over-function. Over-invest in relationships that gave me crumbs and made me feel like I was too much for wanting more.
When I worked with Katherine Kimball, a trauma-informed coach and counselor, for three months earlier this year, I started to see the patterns that were running the show. Patterns rooted in unhealed trauma, codependency, and a deep fear that I was running out of time.
And everything changed.
In our latest episode of You Have the Power, Katherine joins me for an unfiltered conversation about what that transformation looked like—and how learning to slow down, trust myself, and stop performing for love allowed me to stop chasing and start choosing.
We talk about:
The moment I realized I was still playing small in my dating life—even after all the work I’d done
Why "drop the handkerchief" (thank you, Matthew Hussey) worked better than chasing someone who wasn’t showing up
What it feels like in your body when someone is or isn’t a match
How I stopped confusing emotional intensity with emotional safety
The difference between dating the potential and choosing the reality
But we also went deeper.
We talked about the pain that comes with finally honoring your standards—yes, even in friendships. We talked about gaslighting, grief, boundaries, and the loneliness that sometimes follows when you stop tolerating people who need you to shrink.
And we talked about power. The kind of power that comes when you realize: I’m not too much. I’m just done accepting too little.
This episode isn’t just about dating. It’s about what happens when you finally stop abandoning yourself in the name of connection.
If you're tired of shrinking, tired of being the “strong one” who secretly feels invisible, tired of doing the damn emotional labor for everyone else… you need to listen.
Because real love starts when you raise your standards and trust that the right people will rise to meet them.
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