Parenting Differently: From Triggered to Trusting

Breaking the Cycle: Generational Trauma & Emotional Inheritance – Part 2

You can build a successful career, keep it all together in front of the world…But nothing will surface your deepest wounds faster than parenting.

And if you’re the cycle-breaker in your family—the one who decided it all stops with you—then you already know: this is sacred work. It’s not about being the perfect mom. It’s about being a safe one.

In this week’s powerful episode of You Have the Power, I sit down with Debbie Simmons—author, adoptive mother of nine, and founder of Anchor Point. Her journey began with infertility, led to devastating loss, and eventually brought her to parenting nine children from trauma backgrounds. But what makes Debbie’s story remarkable is not just the pain she’s endured—it’s the way she’s turned it into purpose.

“Legacy isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence.”

From Tragedy to Purpose

Debbie opens her story with heartbreak: years of infertility followed by the premature birth and death of her quadruplets. In the silence of that grief, she made a choice—to give up her questions and ask a new one. Not “Why me?” but “How do I survive this?” And eventually, “How do I thrive?”

That shift in perspective became her lifeline.

From there, Debbie and her husband chose adoption. Not one child. Not two. They adopted sibling groups. Children with trauma. Children the system had deemed “too damaged” or “too much.” And in raising them, she uncovered a truth many women never realize:

Our children’s triggers are mirrors. Their meltdowns are invitations.

Not to control them—but to heal ourselves.

The Shark Waters

Debbie calls it “entering shark waters”—those moments when your chest tightens, your patience snaps, and you feel yourself spiraling into fight or flight. It’s your nervous system screaming that something’s not safe… even if the actual threat is just your child refusing to clean their room.

She teaches parents to name it. Tame it. Breathe. Pause. Because when you parent from your pain, you pass it on. But when you can regulate yourself—you become the anchor.

And here’s the truth: most women were never taught this. We were raised to perform, to push through, to “fix it.” But emotional safety? Somatic regulation? Legacy-building connection? That’s a whole different level.

Why Connection > Correction

Debbie shares that the biggest shift came when she realized her job wasn’t to control her kids—it was to connect with them. Especially when they were at their worst.

“When my child is screaming at me, what I need to hear underneath it is: ‘Mom, I need you now more than ever. I just don’t know how to tell you.’”

We’re not taught this kind of parenting. I was raised in a home where whoever yelled the loudest won. Where emotional expression was punished. Where connection was denied, not freely given.

But Debbie flips the script. She teaches that connection must come first, then empowerment, and finally correction. Because when our children feel emotionally safe, their brains open. They can learn. They can heal. And so can we.

Generational Trauma Doesn’t End With Insight—It Ends With Action

This conversation hit close to home. Like Debbie, I’ve had to face the reality that I’ve yelled. I’ve parented from my wounds. I’ve tried to control what triggered me because I didn’t know how else to cope. But what she offers is grace:

“You only have to get it right 30% of the time. That’s enough, if you’re willing to repair.”

That means when you lose it, you go back. You apologize. You name what happened. You show your children what accountability looks like. That’s what builds resilience. Not perfection. Repair.

Faith. Not for Control. But for Healing.

Debbie’s faith isn’t performative. It’s not about control, shame, or dogma. It’s a relationship that gave her the strength to get out of bed when grief made that feel impossible. It gave her the courage to trust the next step—even when she couldn’t see the whole path. It’s also what helps her pour love into her grandchildren, even when their parents—her children—are still healing or struggling.

She reminds us that God isn’t surprised by where we are. He’s not ashamed of our mess. He sees us—and smiles. That’s the kind of love we’re invited to model in our own homes.

If You’re the Cycle-Breaker, You’re Not Alone

If you’re that woman who can run a business or corporate office but feels helpless at home…If you’re trying to reparent your child while still healing the little girl inside of you…If you’re exhausted from trying to be perfect and finally ready to just be real…

This episode is for you.

You’re not too late. You’re not too much. You don’t have to do it perfectly to do it differently.

This is your invitation to parent from trust—not from trauma. To lead with presence—not perfection. To stop the cycle—and start the legacy.

Listen to the full episode

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