Self compassion is so important while healing from narcissistic abuse. The past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions -- managing a start up business, school, and a new relationship. A recent podcast episode of mine deeply triggered me and I've been struggling with the emotions it brought up. As well, I'm in another transition where I'm staying in two different places and there is a feeling of instability. I have had to really flex my self compassion muscle during this time to cope.
First, I've needed to acknowledge what I'm feeling and that these feelings are valid. My boyfriend lives an hour away from me so I've been staying at his home a lot during the work week and going to my place on the weekends. This has left me feeling isolated and disregulated. The disregulation comes from the constant instability that I had as a child and the need for regular routines. Living out of a duffle bag, not knowing where all of my things are or not having them with me has been incredibly stressful. I've been trying to dissipate some of the chaos by having a second set of items that I keep at my boyfriend's so that I have less to worry about. I'm also feeling isolated because I don't know people in this town. I'm very outgoing and have a very active social life where I live but haven't built a community where my boyfriend lives. To overcome this, I've decided to look at attending Chamber of Commerce events here and joining some local meetups. As well, instead of working at the house all day, yesterday I went to Starbucks for the afternoon with my dog. I have a large dog so he's a great icebreaker for starting conversations with strangers.
On a mental scale, I've had to remember that change is scary. This new relationship is going very well which scares me to death. My comfort zone is to be treated badly, not be treated well. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I've had to remind myself to take it a day at a time and relax into this. I've worked hard over the years to both show up as a healthy person but also attract one. Since I've never been in a healthy relationship before, this is definitely unknown territory.
I've had to give myself permission to not be okay at times which is hard for me. I've had to stick to as many of my normal routines as possible to create some sense of stability. I've continued to exercise, meditate and read self-help books to keep my mind healthy and grounded. I'm still going to get disregulated but at least I have tools to counteract that. As well, I've been completely honest about what my monkey brain is saying even if it's a dysfunctional thought pattern. I've shown up 100% authentic which in the past scared others off.
During times of crises or overwhelm, how can you show yourself a little self compassion? In times of disregulation, how can you re-regulate? Can you take time to exercise, meditate, get a massage or simply take a walk? What additional action steps can you take to minimize the chaos and have some sense of balance?
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