The Power of Knowing: Breaking Free from the Model and Redefining Connection
- High Value Woman
- Sep 22
- 4 min read
Have you ever seen someone remain calm when chaos is erupting around them? Maybe it was a grandmother, a teacher, or a mentor who stood steady in the storm—not by ignoring reality, but because they carried a quiet inner certainty. They simply knew.
That kind of knowing doesn’t just anchor them. It shifts everyone in the room.
Most of us had that same clarity as children. We knew when we were tired. We knew when we were hungry. We knew what made us curious and what felt wrong. But over time, that voice got paved over with rules, redirection, and expectations.
“Don’t cry.” “Don’t be angry.” “Don’t stand up in class.” “Don’t talk back.”
Little by little, we learned to disconnect from our inner voice—what Amy Vasterling calls our personal knowing. And once we lose that connection, life becomes a performance: trying to figure out who we need to be for our parents, our teachers, our bosses, our spouses.
It’s no accident, Amy says, that our society is chronically anxious. Because when you’re constantly asking, Am I good enough? Am I doing this right? Am I too much?—you’re living for the approval of others instead of anchored in your own knowing.
The Model: The Invisible System Keeping Us Stuck
In our conversation, Amy introduced what she calls The Model—the invisible system of hierarchy, control, and comparison that runs our lives.
The Model shows up in all kinds of ways:
The parent who says, “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”
The teacher who demands conformity over curiosity.
The corporate boss who tells you, “Run this place while I’m gone—don’t make mistakes.”
The partner who invalidates your feelings because vulnerability makes them uncomfortable.
The Model conditions us to believe control is power. But as Amy puts it, control is just control. It robs us of our power and keeps us trapped in roles that don’t serve us.
The truth? Living by The Model is what fuels our disconnection, our anxiety, and the patterns of unfulfilling relationships so many high-achieving women find themselves in.
Narcissism as “Social Disordering”
One of the most fascinating parts of our conversation was Amy’s reframing of narcissism. Instead of treating it as a fixed personality trait, she sees it as a form of social disordering—a response to unmet needs and a world that rewards control over vulnerability.
That doesn’t excuse harmful behavior, but it explains why so many of us end up in toxic dynamics. Women who were raised to be responsible for everyone else’s feelings often find themselves paired with partners who avoid vulnerability at all costs.
Amy shared that she’s even seen narcissists “break” when consistently met with undeniable truth spoken calmly and firmly. While not everyone will change, her point is that narcissism is less about hardwiring and more about disconnection—from self, from needs, from knowing.
The Role of Natural Consequences
Another powerful takeaway was Amy’s belief that without natural consequences, we never mature.
She told the story of Daniel Kish, a man who went blind at a year old. His mother didn’t shelter him—she allowed him to climb, fall, and learn through experience. Because of that, Daniel developed the ability to echolocate (yes, like a bat).
The lesson? Protecting ourselves or our children from every consequence keeps us emotionally immature. Facing reality—allowing ourselves to learn, fail, and adapt—is how we grow into grounded, connected adults.
Why Highly Sensitive People Are the Change-Makers
Amy also emphasized the unique role of highly sensitive people (HSPs).
She compares HSPs to elephants: deeply intuitive, aware of patterns, and able to sense danger or possibility before others do. While the world often dismisses sensitivity as weakness, Amy believes HSPs are the very people most equipped to lead us into a healthier, more connected future.
Because what’s good for highly sensitive people—environments that honor truth, curiosity, and expression—is actually good for everyone.
What This Means for Women Who’ve Been Told They’re “Too Much”
For high-achieving women, these insights cut to the core.
We’ve been raised in The Model to believe we have to dim our light, soften our intensity, and sacrifice our needs to be accepted. We’ve been told to toughen up in the boardroom, tone it down in relationships, and smile through the exhaustion.
But as Amy and I both shared, the cost of conforming is steep. You lose your voice. You lose your sense of self. You wake up one day realizing you’ve built a life that looks “right” on the outside but feels all wrong on the inside.
Reclaiming your knowing means refusing to shrink anymore. It means setting boundaries even if people don’t like it. It means listening to your body and your truth instead of outsourcing your worth to someone else’s opinion.
The Path Forward: Living From Your Knowing
Amy is clear: this isn’t about adopting someone else’s method or following another “system.” It’s about reconnecting to your own knowing—the inner voice you had before it got paved over.
When you live from your knowing:
Anxiety quiets down.
Relationships become more honest.
Boundaries feel natural instead of forced.
Vulnerability becomes strength, not weakness.
You stop asking, Am I too much? and start saying, This is who I am.
And that shift changes everything.
Your Next Step
If Amy’s words stirred something in you, don’t let the moment pass.
Because here’s the truth: you’re not too much—you’re just accepting too little.
If you’re tired of shrinking in relationships—whether it’s with a partner, a parent, a boss, or a friend—let’s talk. My free Pattern Breakthrough Call is a chance to uncover the hidden patterns that keep you stuck in cycles of self-abandonment and discover what it looks like to lead from wholeness.
👉 Book your free call here
No pressure. No pretense. Just clarity, truth, and your next step forward.
Because the world doesn’t need another woman shrinking to fit The Model. It needs you—whole, present, and unshakably rooted in your knowing.
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