You Can’t Heal What You Keep Hiding: Why Emotional Safety Isn’t Optional in Real Relationships
- High Value Woman
- Sep 1, 2025
- 3 min read
For a long time, I thought I had to earn love.
Be agreeable. Be pleasing. Be low-maintenance. Because somewhere along the way, I learned that having needs made me too much.
And I’m not alone.
In this week’s podcast episode, I sat down with Liz Beachy, a resilience coach for high-achieving men, to talk about the real reason so many relationships are silently suffocating behind closed doors.
Spoiler alert: it’s not a communication issue. It’s a safety issue.
Strong on the Outside, Disconnected on the Inside
Liz works with successful men—business owners, professionals, husbands—who seem to “have it all together” externally, but feel emotionally numb, checked out, or disconnected from their partners.
These men were conditioned to show strength by hiding emotion. And the women who love them? We’ve been trained to carry the emotional weight for both people.
But here’s what that dynamic creates:
He shuts down.
You overfunction.
Intimacy dies.
Resentment builds.
Nobody’s being real.
As Liz said in our conversation:
“You need both logic and emotion to make wise decisions. But most men were taught emotions are weakness. They’ve dismissed the very tool that accelerates growth.”
The Relationship Model We Were Sold Is Broken
If you grew up in a religious household or traditional family, you might’ve been told:
“The man leads, the woman submits.”
But what that often meant in practice was:
Women silenced themselves.
Men disconnected from vulnerability.
Nobody got what they actually needed.
Liz powerfully reframed this by saying:
“It’s not about two halves becoming one. It’s about two whole people showing up fully, side by side.”
And that struck me—because I’ve lived the opposite.
In my past relationships, I molded myself to keep the peace. I tolerated behavior that made my nervous system scream danger just so I wouldn’t rock the boat. I thought self-sacrifice was love. And like so many high-achieving women, I carried it all. The emotions. The therapy. The healing. The responsibility for “fixing” things.
Meanwhile, he shut down. And eventually, I shut down too.
Love Bombs Aren’t Love—They’re Manipulation
Another moment that stood out in our conversation: Liz described how hard it is to spot real love after experiencing narcissistic abuse or emotionally manipulative dynamics.
Because let’s be honest: love bombing feels amazing... at first. But it’s not love. It’s control. It’s a hit of dopamine designed to keep you hooked.
And once that dopamine fades, what’s left? Manipulation. Guilt. Silence. And a woman wondering what she did wrong.
Liz said:
“Most people don’t love bomb you. So when you’ve been conditioned by it, real love feels boring or suspicious. You don’t know what safety actually feels like—until you finally do.”
This is the damage trauma creates in our nervous systems. We confuse familiarity with safety. We mistake intensity for intimacy. And we abandon ourselves again and again just to feel connected.
People-Pleasing Is Not Noble—It’s Fear
One of the rawest truths in this episode was this:
“People-pleasing is actually self-pleasing. It’s not about caring for others—it’s about avoiding the internal discomfort of someone being upset with you.”
Let that land. Because the real problem isn’t that you’re too much. It’s that you’ve been trained to believe your safety depends on someone else’s approval.
This is what Liz teaches men. This is what I teach women. And this is the work: Coming home to yourself so your worth isn’t up for negotiation.
What If You Stopped Hiding?
You can’t heal what you keep hiding.
Whether you’re a man silently struggling to show up emotionally…Or a woman exhausted from doing all the inner work in a one-sided relationship…
It’s time to stop editing yourself to keep the peace.
It’s time to stop trusting too fast, shrinking too small, and performing for connection.
You’re allowed to take up space. You’re allowed to say no. You’re allowed to be the fullest version of yourself without apology.
That’s not too much. That’s truth.
🎧 Listen to the Episode:
You Can’t Heal What You Keep Hiding: Real Talk on Men, Intimacy, and Emotional Safety
Part 3 of Radical Relationship Recovery: Rebuilding from the Inside Out
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